Theos-Kengen

Born 1990, oldest of three children, its been an interesting life...

My family moved often, over sixteen times, I lost count truthfully. That by itself made it difficult to form genuine human connections, which is probably why I eventually resorted to finding them online...

There have been a few events that have really helped shape who I am today:

In 2004, I experienced the more physical trauma than most people get to live through. The plethora of damages I won't list, but the important one is I managed to tear my aorta externally 38.1 mm, and still survive getting to surgery, and the excruciating 690 minutes of surgery. Recovery, and therapy was not pleasant, knowing you can walk, and how to walk, but being physically incapable is only one of the many challenges I have had.

In 2006, I fully understood that the people I was attracted to, was not what my religion at the time wanted, and it caused enormous internal conflict between my identity and my prescribed view of divinity. This conflict bread, morphed, and spread until it was consuming suicidal ideation. I did not escape these thoughts, but found reprieve in 2014.

In 2014, I managed to in find the intersection between identity and divinity, I bridged a mental gap that haunted me. I managed to be fully accept myself and for the first time in eight years, I felt a semblance of peace in my soul. I chose to be fully authentic, first letting my family know, which was rather difficult personally, but in the end worth finding that acceptance also. I then chose to remove myself from the religion I was raised with, and despite their threats of revoking blessings, etcetera, I found peace, further acknowledgment that being authentic to self was rewarding to myself personally.

In 2016, I had been attending university, and fell in love with the wrong person. That error, lapse in judgment, that, that cost me dearly. My suicidal ideation revived, and depression renewed, and the consequences were unjust and unsympathetic to the circumstances that ultimately shaped the situation.

In 2017, I met someone new, and despite me being a complete mess, he chose to stick by me. We had our struggles, but managed to cooperate and build, rather than everything else I had experienced. Despite my deepest desires for love, I let him know that I was far too damaged for anything concrete, and he stayed, he stayed and worked with me.

In 2019, I proposed, and he said yes. We where married at my grandparents place, it has an amazing view. I quit my job, they were terrible to work for, and decided that I would help my mother pursue her dream of owning a fabric store. We moved in with my grandparents to be their caretakers. Its still a struggle, and I am uncertain about a great many things, but I am hopeful that things will improve. I hope to have some more personal time for art and my goals.